PLAYER PROFILES:
Any attempt to be accurate in these profiles has been foresworn in favour of libel cases and "Brand"ing of the highest calibre; any failure to achieve this is entirely the fault of the author and the lack of material supplied by others!!
Mike "Tillsy" Tills
Complaint received from Tillsy that he wasn't on the website so we're now looking for some choice comments and memories concerning this Pakefield stalwart; anything relating to alcohol, pace and a big arse has already been vetted as being untrue...
Sean "Catelogue" Kay
Faster over six yards than any man should be this is often seen in and around pubs as he is ducking behind his mates to avoid getting clubbed again...
Dave "Cheesy" Lees
Maybe the only person in the team who knows what litigious actually means so any comments about his fashion sense or use of hair products will be sent by return upon e:mailing a request to the EDITOR. Holds an important position with in the local community so immune to public ridicule and verbal abuse, his quick comebacks are often lost on the standard of referee he is now playing with, but not literally!!
James "Fergie" Sutcliffe
Prodigal son returns to team after break...
Chris "Barman" Hone
Seen from his better side...
John "Sweatridge" Attridge
Seen here getting ready to work his magic...sorry this was taken after the game so it is right!
Ross "Jan” Chapman - Midfield/Defence 
and a year later he's still wearing the same shirt!! Ross Chapman - known as "Jan" (Molby) after his former life as a footballer. Now a scouse-supporting-mobile-danish-refrigerator-unit who won his race with an OAP in their mobility scooter while playing on the wing at Normo (the OAP later claimed in an interview to only be using turtle shift as hare shift would have been embarrassing and "you never know with the middle aged ones whether they'll come over all funny...!!"). Achievements just don’t get any better for this one-time fitness instructor. Soon to be a dad - fitness will improve while racing his off spring to the fridge!
E-mail:
Matthew "Punty" Punter - Defence 
wearing weeds on his feet to enhance his green credentials!
Matty "New Town" Harlow - Midfield 
Ian "Maggic Rabbit" Harvey - Midfield
Steve "Crafty" Craft - Midfield/Defence Teacher in Lowestoft with a long background in avoiding responsibility; find a match on TV in a pub and look for the most opinionated viewer...found him! Dynamic player with two good feet (...in his youth) who plays the role of "enforcer" (...in his youth) and also adds to the creative approach of the team (...in his youth). Has now entered the veteran stage of a long career in local football and key member in reforming team of "Pakefield Lads". Sense of humour is drier than the Gobi Desert and his back resembles the cactus that can be found there!
Neil "Dippy" Dale - Manager/Midfield(ish) - Libray image used from earlier career "Dippy" - also known as "The Boss" or "The Leader of the Gang" or "The Organiser" - none of these should apply to this footballer who possess great touch, vision, shooting and heading but it’s just a shame these parts of the game are invaluable outside the centre circle! Having beaten Jan at Lowestoft's version of "X Factor" in the thrilling "BMI Festival" his horizons continue to expand. Brilliant bloke who played in the first ever Pakefield team in 82'. (PS: his birthday is November 12th - NOT APRIL)
E-mail:
Mark "Boris" Becker - Goalkeeper Teacher in Lowestoft with a long background in "drug pushing" for a multinational pharmaceutical company and also the US Military... prefers rugby and is built for utility in the pack rather than agility as a back. Since he hadn't played football for twenty three years (which implies he is well into the veteran stage of his sporting life) this heritage shows! Look out for his speed around the box, domination of the area and leadership of the defence - if you see it let us know!!
Peter "Beagle" Graham - Defence/Midfield 
"they said it makes my nose look smaller!" PG - "The Beagle - Also known as "Gimp", "The FA Cup", "Peanut" by his mummy and "Tiddles" by his wife! The mind boggles...!Stalwart of the team with silky left foot shooting (once in his life at Barsham) and silky dribbling skills; well the dribbling occurs without the ball when he makes a mistake and the bottom lip drops down only to be supported by his aspiring partner "Razor Blades" Punt in their formidable defensive pairing!! Currently the secretary and doing a fine job for the side - well done you tiddiling nut!
E-mail:
Louis "Bambi" Michalski - Attack/Midfield 
evidence that he did visit an educational establishment at least once! Bambi Michalski - at "Sweet 16" he was being educated in life skills by a bunch of old tossers on a Saturday afternoon, the same then applies to educational studies in the week (well at least while doing A level PE). Fantastically elusive in the tackle, and great with both feet. His sweetheart once contested this and argued about feet, hands and elusive. Always supported by his daddy who claims that his position as top goal scorer is simply genetic - on the genetic front the future is not bright Bambi!